Death Hurts (Fighting it Just Weakens the Essence)

Death Hurts

(Fighting it Just Weakens the Essence)

I’ve been fighting this topic for what could seem eons. But alas before the sun eclipses the moon or the moon eclipses the sun something desperately begged for a healing which hopefully has finally begun. I’ve lost so many people from family, friends, and stars I never knew which inspired me dear deeply and I’m sure they inspired some of you too. Nobody likes to discuss the pain and agony in which we all deeply feel, but the truth of the matter is that deeply feeling this truth is how we all can eventually heal. It’s no longer about denying those memories that get buried under pain. It’s more about remembering those treasury moments even the ones where we got drenched in the rain. Pardon my forewardness, but I refuse to go backsliding. The present situation in which we all share must also be thoroughly aligned. This eventful process can’t fully get into place if all we do is look in the opposite direction of all the pain that just becomes displaced. With nowhere to wonder and no place to go we forget the forgetting and instead we fool ourselves to believe that we know. What do we know?

We know that the loss of a loved one brings an emptiness to their spaces. We know their faces weren’t so forgetful and their craziness might not have been so crazy. We know the things that burned our buns now become the most desired bothers we took sadly for granted. We know their laugh filled rooms we didn’t know existed within our hearts. We know their spirit was a gift that was given to help us light our own spark. We know no matter how angry we were during the time they were here that we’d give anything to have them with us now especially their voice dancing through our ears. We know how much they gave us while we continue to feel we never gave enough. We know although they may be listening and watching we still search desperately for proof that they are doing well. We know that no matter how much we’d like to remember the golden moments which shined like the sun, sometimes we just don’t have the notion to follow through and get it done. Sometimes the pain beats us down till we feel we can’t breathe, but we know deep down inside that they have become the inspiration for the new life that we now lead. 

As I look at those I’ve lost I can’t help, but feel their love. That’s how hard it’s been for me to keep them close instead of just up above. Even if they are above, beyond, within, or here. I know they’re with me even if I can’t see them near. I know through their presence I receive support and guidance I never had. I know that without fully knowing they are helping me understand the most difficult things that make me deeply sad. I know most of all that their hearts sing loud and that gives me the best motivation.
To make all of them fully proud.

Please understand that you’re never alone. No matter if you believe me or not within you are always home. Sure it sounds shallowly superficial at best. But it’s the one thing that I simply can’t forget. Beyond what we know and beyond what we don’t. Their spirit lives on with us even if their body won’t. I know that I know I’m no different than all you are. And regardless of the challenges I face and have faced I’m still human by far. The lives we live lead others one way or another. I choose always to inspire even if I’m far better at doing some other something or the other. It matters not how you do what you enjoy the most. What matters is that it’s up to you to make it the best you can even if it’s just writing a post. Take care of those who need it so and believe that every minute you do is another moment that you get to spend with the people you love dearly. This may seem cheesy, redundant, or worse. But that doesn’t matter because it’s from the heart and I hope that intention does comes through clearly.  None of this I can say for sure can put you back together or keep you fully intact. But it can make grieving a little more relatable even if it’s been years before you’ve gone back to the moments, days, and years before your mind helped make it go black. Because although it’s hard to go back there to the days before their last. To the days where their lives were still blossoming and new. It can help bring us back their spirit which could be for them or maybe just for you. Whichever way you do it just do it through and through. And even though it’ll be hard which is sad to say but true. You could uncover a lost beautiful memory which could be the one and only thing you ever needed to do.

So as we move forward into the super sun that shines I for one will bring all my lost one’s memories especially the ones that shined. I will keep them glowing within my growing life and I’ll do my damndest to keep their spirts alive. I’ll remember you all always and I pray that this reaches all of you. The ones waiting for us to remember all there is for us here to do. You gave us so many gifts more than we can share. More than we can remember. Much more than our deepest despair. I’m sorry from the bottom of my now missing-you heart. Please don’t allow me to become only cliché and remind me each morning to be thankful for every day. Guide me through the darkest nights and lift me up as you do. And I’ll make a solemn promise to do just the same for everyone I meet and I’ll be sure to do the same for you too. I’m sorry I didn’t have a minute to come down to where you were. I’m sorry I didn’t have a second to call you and now those lost moments have become a blur. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you, open up, or share enough of my heart while you instead waited, gave everything, or shouted in the dark. I’m sorry you didn’t forgive me or that I didn’t forgive you. I’m sorry I didn’t grow up with you the way that we were supposed to. I’m sorry we lost touch even though you were only blocks away. I’m sorry that we allowed things to go in such a way. But now I know not to continue such ignorance and right now is where I’ll start. Giving my best to each second, each minute, to each moment using the fullest of my heart. This is what it means to spring into the month. The beginning of the blooming and the end of all that’s done. Thank you for knowing me and I’m thankful I knew you as well. Thank you for your love. A love that I will eternally tell.



This is phase seven of a Book to be and my wildest of writings.

MirrorLiving